“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” – Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) 16th President of the United States
A few weeks ago, I was driving in my car when I caught myself smiling. I was in a really good mood, and realized I was happy. Really happy. I started thinking about how wonderful my life was. Why?
Maybe I was happy because someone had just said, “I love you.” For me, hearing those words never gets old. “I love you” means that someone cares enough to let you know how important you are to them. It means you’re not alone.
But I was alone. I heard those words over a cell phone and the person who said them was hundreds of miles away. This was another week of travel, hotel rooms and solitary meals. I was just reminded that I can’t always be with the ones I love.
Most of us know people who hear “I love you”, but still aren’t happy. These people question the motives of people who use the word “love” often. They dismiss the phrase as a meaningless platitude. Perhaps there are other aspects of their lives that overshadow the positive feelings shared by someone else.
Maybe I was happy because my business is doing well. Like many companies, the COVID pandemic hit us hard. With the help of a sales coach and my team, I was able to identify new opportunities and new clients. We’re slowly growing again, with an emphasis on long-term relationships.
Of course, this growth means more work. My coach has helped me develop a disciplined schedule with more sales calls to prospects. New clients have meant more travel. In fact, I was in the middle of a 200-mile drive between two clients’ locations when I was thinking about my happiness. Not the easiest day for a consultant.
And there are plenty of successful business people that aren’t happy. I’ve met corporate executives with great jobs, sound companies and 7-figure salaries. However, they still aren’t happy and make sure the people around them aren’t too happy either. They live to prove the adage “money can’t buy happiness.”
So why was I happy? Because I decided to be happy. I decided that the “I love you” outweighed the pain of separation. I decided that the hard work, long hours, and miles on the road were a small price to pay for success. I looked at my life and decided I liked what I saw.
This doesn’t mean that I have a smile on my face 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. I’m human, and have plenty of moments when I’m not happy. Life is hard, and can bring pain and sadness. Acknowledge those feelings, and accept those emotions. A tear is as genuine as a smile.
There’s no timetable for grieving, and there shouldn’t be. We each deal with losses differently, whether it’s a financial setback, a physical injury, or an emotional wound. Reach out to others – friends, family and professionals – for help through the process. Take the time to heal.
But don’t allow yourself to wallow in misery. In the end, you’re responsible for your state of mind. Other people can help, but you must make the decision to move forward. And some people may try to hold you back. Again, you must decide to take responsibility and when necessary, take action.
When I returned to Massachusetts in 1990 after leaving the Army, I worked as a barback while looking for a full-time job. A barback is like the busboy at a bar, with the added responsibilities of hauling cases of beer and changing kegs. It was hard work, and at the end of a long night, I drove home, smelling of dirty dishes and stale beer. I often wasn’t happy.
On the nights I was at my lowest, I’d put Jeff Healey’s Hell to Pay in the tape player, and blast the title cut. I’d roll down the windows, singing along at the top of my voice. My favorite verse:
Well, when you think you got problems you don’t really need,
They’re maybe not as bad as they seem.
‘Cause in a world full of misery, from hatred and greed,
Your problems are another man’s dream.
My problems? I had a tough job with long hours. I had to work those long hours to cover car payments and the rent on our apartment. The song reminded me that many people were out of work, and would take any job. The prospect of owning a car, especially a new car, was out of their reach. And while I was going home to a warm bed, others were looking for shelter, any type of shelter. My life could be another man’s dream. By the end of the song, I was out of my funk.
I’m grateful for the wonderful things other people do for me. I’ve been touched by the unexpected generosity of strangers. Friends have helped me throughout my life, especially in the dark moments. I’m lucky to have someone say “I love you,” and fortunate to do business with fantastic customers. These people and their actions create a wonderful environment for me.
Being happy? That’s my fault.
Mark M. Fallon is president and CEO of The Berkshire Company, a consulting firm specializing in mail and document processing strategies. The company develops customized solutions integrating proven management concepts with emerging technologies to achieve total process management. He offers a vision of the document that integrates technology, data quality, process integrity, and electronic delivery. His successes are based upon using leadership to implement innovative solutions in the document process. You can contact Mark at [email protected].